I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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