I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
