my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
