What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want to be your penis for a week.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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