you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
