The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
