I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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