As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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