It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
