i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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