It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
