I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
