it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
