so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
