a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
