Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize