A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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