Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
