Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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