The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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