Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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