Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
