Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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