You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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