I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
