I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
