I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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