This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
