If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
