Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
