Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
