3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
