Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
