Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
