yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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