I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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