Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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