Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
