She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
