i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
