I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
