Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
