I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
