He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
