Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
