I just saw a hot homeless man
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Houston, we have a blender
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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