Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
