why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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