I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
