I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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