Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
