Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
