in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
