apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
