that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
