ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
