My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
