A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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