so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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