yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
