with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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