I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize