At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
