I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
